InvaderRik

Well this is it.

2010-02-18T09:00:00.002-06:00

Not that anyone is actualy reading this but the 60 second Movie Reviews are gonna be returning to thier roots, I just can't update like I used to.

Going back to the:
Just saw...
****1/2
style reviews.
Again, not that anyone is gonna read this.

60 Second Movie Review - The Box

2009-11-08T17:15:00.000-06:00

The Box

Pay attention!

If you don't "get" high concept movies, just stay home.

The last thing those of us who will enjoy this movie want to hear is the din of fifty people scratching their heads.

If, however, you got Donnie Darko, I recommend this movie.

I give it:

Mr. Steward: The button has been pushed.

60 Second Movie Review - Paranormal Activity

2009-11-01T15:24:00.000-06:00

Paranormal Activity

Hands down the most terrifying movie I've seen since The Strangers.

I give it:

Katie: You promised me you wouldn't get a fucking Ouija board!

Micah: No - I promised I wouldn't go *buy* Ouija board. I borrowed one.

Happy Halloween 2009

2009-10-31T12:00:00.001-06:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

AND REMEMBER,

IT"S NEVER LUPUS.

60 Second Movie Review - Saw VI

2009-10-24T15:53:00.002-05:00

Saw VI

Damn! Just when I thought the Jigsaw Saga counldn't get any more awesome, they go and pull this off.
For the uninitiated, watching SAW III, SAW IV, and SAW V are a must.

I give it:

Jigsaw: [from trailer] Once you see death up close, then you know what the value of life is.

60 Second Movie Review - Where the Wild Things Are

2009-10-17T15:05:00.002-05:00

Where the Wild Things Are

I. Love. This. Movie!
Leave the kids at home, this is best suited for those of us who were raised on this book.

Carol: Now you are king and you will be a truly great king.

60 Second Movie Review - 9

2009-10-04T16:44:00.000-05:00

9

Really great movie, wonderful story telling with amazing visuals.

Also,

WTF was 8 doing with that magnet!?!

7: We... awakened something.
9: Something terrible.

60 Second Movie Review - Zombieland

2009-10-04T15:04:00.001-05:00

Zombieland

OMFG!

Finally, a good American zombie comedy.

Stick around after the credits.
I give it:

Columbus: I swear, you're like some type of cock-blocking robot developed in some secret fucking government lab.

60 Second Movie Review - Surrogates

2009-09-26T17:36:00.000-05:00

Surrogates

Great movie, lot of fun, but the ending was a bit of a let down.

Andrew Stone: The public cannot be allowed to get the idea that using a Surrogate can be fatal.
Agent Greer: Especially if it's true.

60 Second Movie Review - Jennifer's Body

2009-09-05T11:22:00.005-05:00

Jennifer's Body

My God!
Juno meets supernatural horror.
A great watch.

Needy Lesnicky: Jennifer's evil.

Chip Dove: I know.

Needy Lesnicky: No. I mean, she's actually evil, not high school evil.

60 Second Movie Review - The Final Destination in 3D

2009-09-04T21:32:00.002-05:00

The Final Destination

Backlogged Review - Movie Seen 8-29-09

I want the money I paid to see Final Destination 3 back...
So I can go see this one again!
If there was ever a horror flick that 3D was made for it's the The Final Destination.
DO NOT, see this movie in 3D if you have a weak heart.
Lots of good gory fun to be had.

Lori: Janet we have to go!
Janet: No you guys are nuts! I was meant to see this movie!

60 Second Movie Review - Halloween II

2009-09-04T21:12:00.002-05:00

Halloween II
Backlogged Review, Movie Seen 8-29-09

The mountain of a man Michael Myers returns to Haddonfield, Illinois for his baby sister.
Death and destruction ensue.
Kind of a spoiler, remember the original Halloween II? Yeah, the one that picked up right at the end of the first one. Rob Zombie saw it and said, "That whole movie's gonna be the first scene in my movie."
Just as hard and brutal as its predecessor, it's a must see is you liked the first one.

Laurie Strode: I killed him... I killed him...
Sheriff Lee Brackett: Who did you kill, sweetie? Who did you kill?
Laurie Strode: ...I killed him.

60 Second Movie Review - Inglourious Basterds

2009-09-04T19:52:00.004-05:00

Inglourious Basterds
Backlogged Review - Movie Seen 8-23-09

I need Brad Pitt to teach me to talk I-talian.
Oh my God! After Death Proof I was a little apprihensive about Quinten Tarrantino's movies.
I will never doubt him again.
The Problem with most WWII pictures is that they have to color inside the lines.
QT looked at the line and said FUCK YOU!
Spoiler alert:
Don't get too attached to anyone.

Lt. Aldo Raine: Well I speak the most Italian, so I'll be your escort. Donowitz speaks the second most so he'll be your Italian cameraman, and Hirschberg third most, so he'll be Donny's assistant.
PFC Gerold Hirschberg: But I don't speak Italian.
Lt. Aldo Raine: Like I said, third best. Just keep your fuckin' mouth shut. In fact why don't you start practising, right now

60 Second Movie Review - District 9

2009-09-04T19:35:00.003-05:00

District 9
Backlogged Review - Film Seen 8-15-09

Without a doubt the best SciFi movie I've seen in years.
God, the best this movie's Earth can hope for is that Christopher Johnson comes back to take over the planet. If I were him, after seeing the experiments being conducted by MNU, I'd collect my fellow Prawns then take a page from the Covenant playbook and glass the damn rock.

Also, how awesome was that magnetic attachment on the mech? Protects the user by attracting eight clips of ammo shot at you then repels them, shotgun style, back at the enemy.

Wikus Van De Merwe: [Picks up silver canister] This is an amazing find! You see it's got the marking there of... It's definitely Alien, but it, it isn't a weapon. However I still don't trust it. [laughs, then is suddenly sprayed with Alien liquid]

60 Second Movie Review - G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

2009-09-04T19:05:00.002-05:00

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Backlogged Review - Movie Seen 8-8-09

Lots of fun, sets its own background, and stands verry well for itself.

My only problem was with Cobra Commander's mask, hopefully that will be fixed in the next movie.

Breaker: [about Snake Eyes] He doesn't talk.

Duke: Why?

Breaker: He doesn't say.

SORRY

2009-09-04T18:59:00.002-05:00

I'm so sorry for the backlog of reviews I'm posting.

Lot of shake-ups for me IRL

I'll be back on track next weekend with reviews of "9" and "Whiteout".

15 Second Trailer Preview - Alice in Wonderland

2009-07-26T14:51:00.001-05:00

The first trailer was attached to G-Force in 3-D, I'll post it if I can but it has to be seen in 3D to be appreciated.

60 Second Movie Review - G-Force (3-D)

2009-07-26T14:42:00.001-05:00

G-Force (Real-D 3-D)

Lots of fun, lots of fur!
I honestly believe that Hollywood is trying in ernest to make me attracted to rodents. First Scratte now Agent Juarez, what's next?
Looks amazing in 3D, totally worth the extra $2.00.

I give it:

Hurley: Bucky, the mice'll agree to anything. (To mice) You guys are all idiots right?
Mice: Right!

7.5 Second Poster Review - A Nightmare On Elm Street (Remake)

2009-07-25T11:45:00.002-05:00

Came across this on IMP
Glove? Check!
Hat? Check!
Sweater? Check!
Skinny guy to play Freddy? Check!
This is gonna be sweet!

7.5 Second Poster Review - Jonah Hex

2009-07-25T11:34:00.002-05:00

They unvieled the poster for Jonah Hex with Josh Brolin at Comic-Con.
So far so good.
Wikipedia says June 18, 2010

60 Second Movie Review - Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

2009-07-17T14:49:00.000-05:00

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Not bad, well executed, the deviations from the book don't seem to be bogging the films down yet.The Deathly Hallows will be the judge.
Issues with the movie include: Snape's lack of scenes, flashbacks and his training of Harry at Dumbledore's behest, and not including Dumbledore's funeral.
I give it:

Albus Dumbledore: You must be wondering why I brought you here.
Harry Potter: Actually sir, after all these years I just sort of go with it.

60 Second Movie Review - Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

2009-07-07T15:14:00.000-05:00

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

Caught it in Real-D 3-D, so worth the extra $2.25!
Very funny, on par with the others, Simon Pegg's turn as Buck is the source of the movie's funniest
moments.
One sticking point is Scratte, no female, prehistoric, rodent's fingers should be that sexy.
The movie gets a solid 4, but the 3D bumps it up to 4.5.

I give it:

Buck: Are you ready for adventure?

Crash, Eddie: Yes, sir!

Buck: For danger?

Crash, Eddie: Yes, sir!

Buck: For death?

Eddie: Uhh, can you repeat the question?

Total Drama Caramelldansen

2009-07-04T21:28:00.001-05:00

So sue me, I like this show.

Happy 4th of July to me!

2009-07-04T19:25:00.001-05:00

After 10+ Years of Spider Solitare I finally won a game in under 100 moves.

15 Second Trailer Review - The Last Airbender

2009-07-04T13:03:00.002-05:00

The teaser for the Live Action Adaptation of Avatar: The Last Airbender was attached to Transformers: Rise of the Fallen.
Directed by M. Night Shamylan, the title will be "The Last Airbender".
The teaser was amazing, begining with Anng training and culminating in an all out invasion by the Fire Nation. YouTube videos don't do it justice. If you can, see it on the big screen.
Slated for a SUMMER 2010 release.

60 Second Movie Review - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

2009-06-28T14:49:00.000-05:00

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Go see this movie!
Now!
If you even slightly enjoyed the first movie, you will love this one.

Another Mendez Must See.

I give it:

Agent Simmons: What you are about to see is top secret. Do not tell my mother.

60 Second Movie Review - The Taking of Palham 123

2009-06-14T16:33:00.000-05:00

The Taking of Palham 123

Amazing movie, honestly wasn't expecting much, but this blew me away.

I Give It:

Ryder: Life is simple now. They just have to do what I say.

60 Second Movie Review - Brüno

2009-06-10T14:24:00.000-05:00

Brüno

Two words, Bradolf Pittler.
Funny on an epic scale.
And NOT for the faint of heart, graphic nudity and sexual situations, it was the first showing, noon opening day with the auditorium half full and three people walked out.
Even funnier, one was a woman who came in with her husband/boyfriend, she left, he stayed.

I give it:

Brüno: How do you defend yourself against a man with a dildo?

60 Second Movie Review - Drag Me To Hell

2009-06-07T15:07:00.000-05:00

Drag Me To Hell

THIS is how you make a supernatural horror movie.
I expected nothing less from Rami.

I give it:

60 Second Movie Review - UP

2009-05-31T15:10:00.000-05:00

Up

I'm not gonna lie to you, the movie opens on a down note.
That out of the way, I can't say enough good things about this movie. Well writen, well acted, well directed, and all around well made.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, Pixar knows how to make good movies.

Oddly enough, there was no teaser for 2010's Pixar pic, Toy Story 3, at least not attached to the 2D version.

I give it:

Russell: Hey, look, a dog.
Doug: Hi there. My name is Doug.
Carl Fredricksen: Waah!
Doug: My master made me this collar so that I may talk. Squirrel!
[looks to the side, pauses for a while, then looks back at Carl]
Doug: Hi there.

60 Second Movie Review - Terminator: Salvation

2009-05-23T15:05:00.000-05:00

Terminator: Salvation

No Fate But What We Make.
The fate of the Terminator series is looking good. One or two war against the machine movies and we can bring this franchise full circle.
A definite MENDEZ MUST SEE.

I give it:

John Connor: [from trailer] We've been fighting a long time. We are out numbered by machines. Working around the clock,without quit. Humans have a strength that cannot be measured. This is John Connor. If you are listening to this,you are the resistance.

60 Second Movie Review - Angels & Demons

2009-05-17T16:05:00.000-05:00

Angels & Demons

Lot of fun, excellent mystery movie, with a surprising number of laughs.
You don't need to have seen The Da Vincci Code to enjoy this one.

I give it:

Robert Langdon: I need access to the Vatican Archives.
Richter: Access to the Archives is only by written decree by the Holy Father.
Robert Langdon: Fellas, you called me.

60 Second Movie Review - Star Trek

2009-05-07T21:35:00.000-05:00

Star Trek

The Trek is back in a big way. This movie is a fully in continuity reboot of the franchise, and believe me after Enterprise, it needed one.
I bought my tickets last week and sat in line for an hour and a half, so worth it!
The action scenes were breath taking, literally, my breathing was as heavy as Kirk's during the orbital jump scene. The space battles were not bad either, the Romulan ship was amazing, I call it the "Spider Lotus".
An absolute must see!

I give it:

Cop: What is your name?
Young Kirk: My name is James Tiberius Kirk!

Shaking My Monkey Tree - SOB in a Pickup

2009-05-06T19:30:00.001-05:00

So I'm heading out to Cleo's going north on Bibb at a quarter to 7. This guy was in such a hurry that he passes us doing 45 on a two lane street right in front of a school. Then we see where he was going, Cleo's two blocks in front of us. We pull in behind him and he's leaning on his horn to get a van to move. Then, he pulls in and parks across two spaces. Inside, he's in line buying ONE DAMN BEER! Not a case, not a 6pack, ONE DAMN CAN OF BEER. To cap it off I was honestly expecting him to shove the little girl ahead of him out of line.

Maverick County Trekies Unite

2009-05-04T01:29:00.001-05:00

Gonna catch the 7pm Star Trek on the 7th. I gotta cuz I'm gonna be working all weekend, 3 Big Ass REMOTES for the Cinco de Mayo Fest. Which is going to mean 18-21 hours of paid work, that should make up for the baseball and softball games the UIL cancelled due to hybrid flu concerns, I don't use that other name because it's bad for the good name of, Pork: The Other White Meat, and I like pork.

60 Second Movie Review - X-Men Origins: Wolverine

2009-04-23T16:29:00.009-05:00

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Amazing, great action sequences, excellent drama,
and
a few surprises.
Keep an eye out for an cameo by Quicksilver, Pietro Maximoff.
And stay after the credits if you know what's good for you.

I give it:

Wade Wilson: All I ever wanted was to travel to far off exotic places, meet new exciting people and then kill them. So I become a mercenary. My name is Wade Wilson. And I love what I do

60 Second Movie Review - Crank 2: High Voltage

2009-04-19T17:19:00.002-05:00

Crank 2: High Voltage

On par with the first, which is to say that IT KICKED ASS! 1/2 action movie, 1/2 energy drink ad with a drizzle of booty video, softcore porn, and even some kaiju action. Stallone and Ahnuld are gone this is the "Age of Jason Statham & Clive Owen"!

I Give It:

Chev Chelios: My name is Chev Chelios, and today, I didn't die.

...just a guy with a gun.

2009-04-13T13:01:00.001-05:00

So I go to watch Observe and Report and what do I see upon entering the theater. A security guard at the Big Game Hunter game. Wow!

60 Second Movie Review - Observe and Report

2009-04-12T16:33:00.000-05:00

Observe and Report

Paul Blart can EAT IT! This is just Seth Rogan being himself. I'll forgive it for only being 1h26m.

I Give It:

Ronnie Barnhardt: The world has no use for another scared man. Right now, the world needs a fucking hero.

Rik in Real Life - Balancing the Books

2009-04-12T15:49:00.000-05:00

Go Ask Alice is a good read, and a balanced book to boot.

WTF!?! - 04-05-2009

2009-04-05T17:16:00.001-05:00

Now this don't make a lick of sense. Only in my town.

60 Second Movie Review - The Haunting in Connecticut

2009-04-05T16:44:00.001-05:00

The Haunting in Connecticut

I gotta admit, I was not expecting this good of movie.
Definite source of Nightmare Fuel.
Cannot wait for the unrated DVD.

I give it:

One bright day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight,
Back to back they faced one another,
Drew their swords and shot each other,

WTF!?! Is This? 04-02-09

2009-04-02T20:18:00.001-06:00

Found this in my bag of Tostitos Crispy Rounds. I think it's a mass of over cooked corn meal used to make the chips, WTF!?!

60 Second Movie Review - Monsters Vs Aliens

2009-03-29T14:47:00.001-06:00

Monsters Vs Aliens

Beyond awesome.
Funny, action packed, and a little moving.

A Mendez Must See!
At this rate, Disney's gonna be left bringing up the rear on the list of the Top 3 animated feature film studios.

I Give It:

The Missing Link: [about Susan] She's speechless!
B.O.B.: She? It's a boy; look at his boobies!
The Missing Link: We need to have a talk

Now That's Just Unfair.

2009-03-29T13:31:00.001-06:00

Why, why aren't these available in men's sizes!?!

60 Second Movie Review - The Last House on the Left

2009-03-13T19:23:00.001-06:00

The Last House on the Left

~Minor Spoiler~

Can a remake have a happier ending than the original and still be more hardcore?

The answer is hell yes!

I have 3 reactions to remakes:

Meh: Most fall into this catagorie.

Pbbfflliitt!: The shot for shot Psycho remake.

OMFG: Dawn of the Dead, Friday the 13th, and now this.

I give it:

Krug: You want to hear what I did to your daughter?

John: I want to hear you beg for your life.

Notes for parents:

Rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America for:

Sadistic brutal violence including a rape and disturbing images, language, nudity and some drug use.

60 Second Movie Review - Watchmen

2009-03-06T18:12:00.001-06:00

Watchmen

Go see this movie now, or I'll show up at your house in a Rorschach mask and drag you there kicking and screaming. I'll even stay and watch it with you.

I give it

Rorschach: Rorschach's Journal: October 12th 1985. Tonight, a comedian died in New York.

60 Second Movie Review - Slumdog Millionaire

2009-02-28T17:05:00.000-06:00

Slumdog Millionaire

Great film!

Earned every Troy ounce of it's Best Picture Oscar.

Not just a moving story, but the way it was told is amazing.

The music was top notch as well, my only qualm was the almost back to back utilization of M.I.A.'s Paper Planes, the original then a remix. It works mind you, it just felt a little weird and I thought a drastically different version of the song, a version in Hindi or one by a youth chorus perhaps.

And is it just me, or would every movie ever made by ten times better if it had a dance number at the end?

I Give It:

Prem Kumar: Its getting hot in here.

Jamal Malik: Are you nervous?

Prem Kumar: [audience laughs] What? Am I nervous ? It's you who's in the hot seat, my friend!

Jamal Malik: Yes, sorry.

Shaking My Monkey Tree - Disney Channel

2009-02-22T15:19:00.002-06:00

If Disney Channel was a woman, she'd be a damn C**K TEASE!
They take Phineas and Ferb from me and stick it on Disney XD now, and I could accept that, I could either upgrade my cable package or not watch it.
But those bastards won't let me be. They've started running short previews on Disney so now I'm primed for it and I get nothing. How evil is that? I think Michael is secretly in charge again. (I won't use his last name since I've got too much respect for Will Eisner and the EISNER Awards.)

60 Second Movie Review - The Reader

2009-02-21T19:39:00.000-06:00

The Reader

Fantastic film, although the first half of the film is basically Kate Winslet bathing and molesting a teenager. This film and Kate earned their nominations and awards.

I give it:

Michael: I can't live without you. The thought of leaving you kills me. Do you love me?

60 Second Movie Review - Friday the 13th

2009-02-15T14:00:00.000-06:00

Friday the 13th

F**king awesome!
BLOOD!
GORE!
TITS GALORE!
I think I've made my point.

I give it:

Old Lady: Your sister isn't missing, she's dead.

60 Second Movie Review - Coraline 2D

2009-02-08T15:00:00.001-06:00

Coraline

Saw it in 2D
And it was awesome, it's too bad it won't be up for any Oscars.

I give it:

Other Mother: Black is traditional!

Super Sunday Super Snacks

2009-02-01T18:03:00.001-06:00

Boneless Buffalo Wing Platter. 'r'Pre-cooked Blazin' Buffalo Wingtizers from HEB. <br> 25 Minutes @ 350 F. <br> Served on little swords with Chunky Blue Cheese Dressing.

60 Second Movie Review - Taken

2009-01-31T16:10:00.000-06:00

Taken

Gripping thriller, 'course, I'll watch anything with Liam Neeson in it.

I give it:

Saint Clair: Please understand...it was all business. It wasn't personal.

Bryan: It was all personal to me.

60 Second Movie Review - My Bloody Valentine 3D

2009-01-18T15:12:00.002-06:00

My Bloody Valentine 3D

Even in 2d it was good, old fashioned, gory fun.
Didn't even care that there was a woman who took two kids to see it, though I did like seeing her drag them out during the motel scene. :)

I give it:

Irene: I'm not a whore!
Frank the Trucker: [tossing her a $20 bill] You are now!

60 Second Movie Review - Gran Torino

2009-01-11T16:35:00.002-06:00

Gran Torino

Just saw Gran Torrino.
Great, powerful film.
Clint's still got it.

I give it:

Walt Kowalski: What the hell does everybody want with my Gran Torino?

Kid Rock, Fuck That Guy.

2009-01-10T11:43:00.004-06:00

Seriously, Fuck That Guy

No wait, he doesn't even deserve that name anymore. His name is Robert James Ritchie, if that isn't most bitch-ass name ever I don't know what is.

I try to stay away from celeb gossip and political posts but I just can not keep quiet about this.

He was completely out of line, as admirable as it is, going overseas to perform for the troops is NOT COMMUNITY SERVICE.

Community service is a punishment, his USO work counting as community service would be like:

1. Ordering someone who spends every weekend volunteering at a homeless shelter to volunteer at a homeless shelter.

2. Having someone who really enjoys carpentry work with Habitat for Humanity.

3. Sentencing a masochist to a whipping.

OK, maybe that last one was a bit much, but you get my point.

Then there's the matter of his "passive aggressive" retaliation.

Passive aggressive is in quotes because:

YOU NEVER POST THE PERSONAL INFO OF A JUDGE!

Does he have any idea what kind of psychos are online, let's put aside the prospect of one of his fans hurting the judge (NO I will not post his name here) or his family, and focus on the possibility of some piece of trash he put away for a real crime (a fight at a waffle house, really Mr. Ritchie? You couldn't get into a fight at a bar like a man?) getting out and be looking for some payback. He just painted a target on the head of the judge, his family, and even his neighbors.

So begins my personal ban on this far north white trash dumb ass, you might say, "Well what is the loss of one listener going to matter?" Try a whole city, I'm a frickin' Radio DJ, that means that when I'm on the air NO KID ROCK. I already have similar bans on Hannah/Miley and the song Before He Cheats for personal reasons, but this is my first major declaration:

So long as I sit in the main chair in the studio, no Kid Rock, new or old, shall be played!

And if the higher ups wanna fire me then so be it!

60 Second Movie Review - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

2008-12-28T20:00:00.001-06:00

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

First thing's first, see this movie well rested and on an empty bladder. Not that it's borring, heavens no, but it is over 2 and a half hours long.
And it was absolutly wonderful. It recieves my vote for best drama of 2008.
Some of my favorite parts include one old man's reminicing
about getting struck by lighting, seven different times, and any scene with the tug boat captain.
Hands down the best movie you can see over Christmas break.

I give it:

Benjamin Button: My name is Benjamin Button, and I was born under unusual circumstances. While, everyone else was agin', I was gettin' younger... all alone

60 Second Movie Review - Valkyrie

2008-12-26T16:15:00.000-06:00

Valkyrie

Amazing,
without a doubt the best historical drama this year.

I give it:

Col. Claus von Stauffenberg: I'm a soldier, but in serving my country, I have betrayed my conscience.

60 Second Movie Review - Yes Man

2008-12-22T17:30:00.000-06:00

Yes Man

Very funny, your standard Jim Carey fare.

I'm not gonna lie, there are better movies this week and next, but this is what it set out to be, a good, funny, comedy.

I give it:

Allison: Are you stalking me?
Carl Allen: No, i would never do that.
Carl Allen: Oh by the way, the new furniture looks great from the yard.

60 Second Movie Review - The Tale of Despereaux

2008-12-21T15:00:00.001-06:00

The Tale of Despereaux

A very nice, heart-warming story that was very well acted by the cast, it's been quite a while since I've seen or heard Christopher Lloyd.

A great X-mas movie for the whole family.

I give it:

Girl: Are you a rat?
Despereaux: No!
Girl: A mouse?
Despereaux: I, am a gentleman.

60 Second Movie Review - The Day the Earth Stood Still

2008-12-13T20:19:00.002-06:00

The Day the Earth Stood Still

Do not try to compare it to the original as they have vastly different messages.
This one however, KICKED ASS and took names.

I Give It:

Klatu: If the Earth dies, you die. If you die, the Earth survives.

60 Second Movie Review - Punisher: War Zone

2008-12-06T20:00:00.003-06:00

Punisher: War Zone

Awesome! Fully awesome. I had no problem with the Thomas Jane/Miami flick, even the Dolph pic in the 80s was OK, but this, this was beyond cool.

Ray was the right choice to play Frank Castle. Screw the critics, The Punisher doesn't have to be charming or witty, he is a cold, calculating
killer without mercy.

Can't wait for a Marvel Knights reboot of Daredevil.

I give it:

Priest: God be with you Frank

Frank: Sometimes I'd like to get my hands on God.

60 Second Movie Review - Transporter 3

2008-11-28T14:32:00.001-06:00

Transporter 3

Solid pic, didn't wow me, good way to kill a couple of hours.

I give it:

Johnson: His beloved car will be his grave.

60 Second Movie Review - Bolt

2008-11-23T16:38:00.001-06:00

Bolt

I'm gonna be fully honest with you, I was close to tears at Mittens' story, a good balance seeing as I nearly pissed myself laughing at everything else she said. Very good, take the whole family.

I give it:

Bolt: Ow, what's this red liquid coming out of my paw?

Mittens: It's called blood hero.

Bolt: Do I need it?

Mittens: Only if you want to stay alive.

Rik In Real Life - Go Away Birdy, I Can't Play Now

2008-11-21T11:22:00.003-06:00

So check it, the power's out in half the house and I'm sitting in the kitchen, trying to get ahold of someone who can remedy that. When all of a sudden, a happy little sparrow or swallow or some othe cute little bird sticks his head under the screen door and catches my eye. Now you should know that the gap under my screen door is HUGE, I've been meaning to fix it but that's another story. Point is, he gets all the way inside and stars looking around. At which point I realize that if he gets in, I'm gonna have to chase his feathey ass around this house to get him out. So he and I have ourselves a little starring match and I guess I won because he turned tail, squeezed back through the gap, and flew off. I sure showed him.

60 Second Movie Review - Quantum of Solace

2008-11-16T18:44:00.001-06:00

Quantum of Solace

The only thing better than the movie was the theme. I cannot get that riff out of my head. Craig is awesome, James Bond will return and hopefully so will he.

I give it:

James Bond: Tell M the lead was a dead end.
Tanner: He says it was a dead end.
M: Damn! He killed him.

60 Second Movie Review - Role Models

2008-11-11T18:36:00.000-06:00

Role Models

Sorry guys, totaly spaced this week and forgot to put up my review.
I haven't got a lot to say other than KICK ASS! Semi-lame premise pulled out very well. Plus, the movie culminates in LARP with KISS! How frackin' awesome is that?

I give it:

Ronnie: Suck it, Reindeer Games!

Danny: I'm not Ben Affleck.

Ronnie: You white, then you Ben Affleck.

Wheeler: You *are* white.

Danny: That's true, I am white.

60 Second Movie Review - Zack and Miri Make a Porno

2008-11-02T14:16:00.002-06:00

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Hmm, so that's what Jason Mewes' penis looks like.

Oh My God, endlessly funny, Smith has two choices, return to the View Askewniverse, or keep make films like this, or make comics, but that's three choices.

Delaney: Can you believe this shit?

Deacon: Can you believe this shit?!?

Holiday Posts - Happy Holloween!

2008-10-31T08:00:00.000-06:00

Happy Holloween 2008!

60 Second Movie Review - Saw V

2008-10-26T13:54:00.002-06:00

Saw V

Awesome, this frickin series will NEVER end, I'm already eagerly awaiting Saw VI!

Jigsaw: Today, five people will become one, with the goal of surviving

Modern Ancient Chinese Wisdom - Literature

2008-10-25T18:51:00.002-05:00

This is the first in a new series of posts.

Basically, I'm just gonna pass on the wisdom imparted to by the Holy Scrolls (Fortune Cookies).

Had lunch at Golden China on Garrison:

"A house without books is like a room without windows." -Anonymous

60 Second Movie Review - Max Payne

2008-10-19T15:00:00.000-05:00

Max Payne

Sweet! The first act felt slow, and that husts its score, but then the pace picked up and didn't stop. The visual effects were top notch as well.

I Give It:

Lincoln DeNeuf: The Devil is building his army. Max Payne is looking for something that God wants to stay hidden. That is what makes him more dangerous.

60 Second Movie Review - Quarantine

2008-10-12T17:15:00.002-05:00

Quarantine

Great googly moogly! With all the pessimistic outlooks before its release, I wasn't expecting much, but this was great! Despite the warnings of motion sickness posted on the doors to Screen 7, I felt fine. This is a true return the classic zombie horror, the people trapped are an eclectic cross section, terror, desperation, and more than one psychotic breakdown.

And talk about awesome kills, you've seen zombies shot, blown up, run over, crushed, set ablaze, torn asunder by helicoptor blades, and hell, even attacked by sharks! This however, is the first time I've seen a zombie have its head caved in with a video camera, the same camera being used to shoot the frickin' movie, in first person!

I Give It:

Angela Vidal: Tape everything you hear me? Tape everything!

60 Second Movie Review - Body of Lies

2008-10-12T15:15:00.002-05:00

Body of Lies

Great film, an indepth look into the real front in the war on terror, that being the work of inteligence agents. Also, was it just me, or did the Jordanian GID director look alot like Andy Garcia?

I give it:

Ed Hoffman: Our world as we know it is much simpler...to put to an end than you might think.

SAW Marathon - 10/23/08

2008-10-10T17:36:00.001-05:00

Starting at 4:25PM Local Time on Thursday, October 23.

All five Saw movies for just $18.

If it's in your area.

It isn't in mine.

Rik in SUR-Real Life - The Fresh Prince of Crawford, TX?

2008-10-09T02:41:00.003-05:00

Now this might sound odd and random, even comming from me, but here it goes.
So I'm sitting here, watching the Fresh Prince series finale on Nick at Nite, and in the last pool house scene with Will and Carlton Will says "I'll always have your back C." to which Carlton replies "And I'll always have your your back, W." He pronouces W "double yoo" and I couldn't help but think that it would have sounded better as "dubya" a la Bush. That's when I noticed that Will's cap reads Crawford. Now, I don't know what his cap refers to, but thinking about the prez then noticing the name of the town near his "ranch" is damn wierd.
Not the first time today either. Earlier I'm talking about the movie "Grosse Point Blank" then the song "Blister in the Sun" starts playing, and that's the last song in the movie leading into the end credits. How's that for wierd?

JC Penny needs to double check thier math.

2008-10-04T15:12:00.001-05:00

Since when is 30% of $30 ten bucks? And people wonder why our economy is screwed up.

Da na na naaa!

2008-10-04T14:56:00.002-05:00

Converse get!
Found @ Ross 4 just $17!

60 Second Movie Review - Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

2008-10-04T14:30:00.002-05:00

Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

Funny, smart, and a good time to be had. Nick and Norah is another modern romantic comedy
in the vein of Juno.
The film long search for Where's Fluffy gives a repetitive feeling that actually helps by tying the movie together.

I Give It:

Caroline: Norah! I found Jesus!

Rik in Real Life - @ the Movies: Ch ch ch... Hah hah hah...

2008-09-27T17:07:00.003-05:00

Just saw the teaser poster for the Friday 13th reboot pic and I just had to post it.

60 Second Movie Review - Eagle Eye

2008-09-27T13:55:00.006-05:00

Eagle Eye

NO SPOILERS

I'll have a full assesment up on Monday. Until then, just know that this movie is awesome, and is a Mendez Must-See.

Picture this, SkyNet, instead of believing itself superior to humanity just thinks it knows better than us and does whatever needed to protect the American public, even if it means killing the Pres, VP, Sec of State, etc.
Think GLaDOS in charge of national security and inteligence gathering. Oh, and bitchin' car chases too.

I Give It:

Agent Thomas Morgan: [to field agent] If you're staring at me, it better be because I'm the suspect. If not, get back to work or I swear I'll assign you all to something that involves touching shit with your hands!

Rik in Real Life - Just Call Me Paul Bunyon

2008-09-27T10:19:00.002-05:00

I've been thinking of buying a chainsaw just to cut down this tree stump, one well placed kick took care of that this morning.

Rik in Real Life - Chillin' with Mr. Mantis

2008-09-26T21:21:00.000-05:00

Just me taking a half-time smoke break with a praying mantis.

60 Second Movie Review - Burn After Reading

2008-09-14T16:35:00.001-05:00

Burn After Reading

O...M...G..., W...T...F... Great movie, funnyier and stranger than No Country... somehow. A must see this week.

I Give It:

Chad Feldheimer: [over the phone] Osbourne Cox? I thought you might be wooorrried...about the secuuurrrity...of your shit

60 Second Movie Review - Rightrous Kill

2008-09-13T16:45:00.001-05:00

Rightrous Kill

Great film, a gritty cop drama and murder mystery rolled into one, but it did feel like it was dragging at times. Great to see DeNiro and Pacino together.

I Give It:

Turk: Most people respect the badge. Everyone respects the gun.

60 Second Movie Review - Babylon A.D.

2008-08-30T19:55:00.005-05:00

Babylon A.D.

Awesome movie, did not expect that. This has to be my new favorite Vin Deisel picture. I had a good time dispite the distractions (see 120 Sec Rant).

I Give It:

Toorop: I learned something that day. Too bad it was the day I died.

120 Second Moviegoing Rant - F#@K KIDS! Seriously, f#@k them.

2008-08-30T18:48:00.003-05:00

I really fucking hate kids! The one to my right wouldn't stop asking "What's happening?" and two were running around and climbing on the railings. Damn kids.

Ross Finds - Socks & Run DMC

2008-08-23T19:57:00.000-05:00

Ross, more than the occasional killer deal on Chucks.

60 Second Movie Review - The Rocker

2008-08-23T19:22:00.003-05:00

The Rocker

Rock on! This makes 4 straight weeks of killer comedies. Cant wait for The Rocker 2: WORLD TOUR!

I Give It:

Robert 'Fish' Fishman: It's not "stealing" if you're family. But, seriously, don't tell your mom.

60 Second Movie Review - Star Wars: The Clone Wars

2008-08-17T19:15:00.000-05:00

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Very good this movie was.

Its release took me by surprise, apparently Lucas got one look at the first episodes of the new Clone Wars series and decided a theatrical release of the series premiere would be an awesome promotional tool. Perhaps he could us the CGI approach to bring "Shadows of the Empire" to the big screen, and not just Shadows, there's plenty of stories out of the Star Wars Tales comics not to mention the exploits of the 501st.

I Give It:

Quote

60 Second Movie Review - Tropic Thunder

2008-08-16T19:00:00.001-05:00

Tropic Thunder

There are really no words, where do I start? The fake trailers, most notably Kirk Lazarus' monk themed Brokeback Mountain, (KirkLazarus+TobyMaguire 4EVR) were hilarious. As was the rest of the movie, beginning to end, non-stop laughs.

Nolte, McConaughey, Cruise, who would've thought? After this ' I'm willing to forgive Tom's past sins, Matt's box office bombs, and Nick's, well I've really never had a problem with Mr. Nolte, keep up the good work Nick.

I give it

Kirk Lazarus: I know who I am! I'm the dude playing the dude disguised as another dude.

Denyed Awesome Chucks

2008-08-16T17:50:00.001-05:00

The most awesome designs often only come in youth sizes.

60 Second Movie Review - The Pineapple Express

2008-08-09T19:46:00.001-05:00

The Pineapple Express

I take back part of my Step-Brothers review, THIS is the funniest effin' movie of the summer! I saw it straight and I was in tears, if you see it baked, it just might kill you.

I Give It:*****

Dale: How could he find us?

Saul: Umm, heat-seeking missiles, bloodhounds, foxes, barracudas.

Dale: It's just... I'm kinda flabbergasted when you say things like that. It's weird.

Saul: Thank you.

Dale: Not a compliment.

Funny Mexican License Plates 5/5

2008-08-06T12:00:00.003-05:00

I have no words for this.
I'm not homophobic or anything, but look at it.

Plus, it's not just this one guy, I've seen maybe half a dozen cars with FAG plates.
Look closely, the letters are over a cowboy, kinda Brokeback Mountain isn't it, thank heaven it wasn't over Christ the Redeemer, but he does seem to be accepting it with arms wide open. WWJD indeed!

Soon on to American plates!

Da Na Na Naaa!

2008-08-02T16:53:00.002-05:00

CONVERSE GET!

60 Second Movie Review - Step Brothers

2008-08-02T16:41:00.001-05:00

Step Brothers

Hands down the funniest and funnest movie this summer. Minor spoiler, you just do not see enough grown men beating the crap out of grade school kids in movies any more.

I Give It:

Dale: What are you doing?!?
Brennan: I'm burying you.
Dale: [crying] I'm alive Brennan, I'm alive.
Brennan: You're waking the neighbors! Shut up!

Hey there Little Red Riding Hood...

2008-08-02T13:45:00.002-05:00

You sure are looking good.

Funny Mexican Licence Plates 4/5

2008-07-30T12:00:00.000-05:00

You do know what that's onomatopeia for right?
I can't stress this enough, these were not doctored.
You can guess what's next can't you?

Rik In Real Life - Grand Theft Shoelace

2008-07-26T19:23:00.000-05:00

So I've just gotten out of The X-Files: I Want To Believe, and I got me two new pairs of 54'' laces, neon green and purple. Now I'm at JC Penny, I put the bag down and forget it for a few minutes and poof, gone for good :( You'd think someone would hand it over to an employee or the customer service desk, but no, they just say free stuff and skip to my lou. God, I hate the people in this town. When I rule the world, they're first on my Public Evicerations list.