60 Second Movie Review - The Box

The Box

Pay attention!

If you don't "get" high concept movies, just stay home.

The last thing those of us who will enjoy this movie want to hear is the din of fifty people scratching their heads.

If, however, you got Donnie Darko, I recommend this movie.

I give it:

Mr. Steward: The button has been pushed.

60 Second Movie Review - Paranormal Activity

Paranormal Activity

Hands down the most terrifying movie I've seen since The Strangers.

I give it:

Katie: You promised me you wouldn't get a fucking Ouija board!

Micah: No - I promised I wouldn't go *buy* Ouija board. I borrowed one.

Happy Halloween 2009

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

AND REMEMBER,

IT"S NEVER LUPUS.

60 Second Movie Review - Saw VI

Saw VI


Damn! Just when I thought the Jigsaw Saga counldn't get any more awesome, they go and pull this off.
For the uninitiated, watching SAW III, SAW IV, and SAW V are a must.

I give it:



Jigsaw: [from trailer] Once you see death up close, then you know what the value of life is.

60 Second Movie Review - Where the Wild Things Are

Where the Wild Things Are



I. Love. This. Movie!
Leave the kids at home, this is best suited for those of us who were raised on this book.



Carol: Now you are king and you will be a truly great king.

60 Second Movie Review - 9

9



Really great movie, wonderful story telling with amazing visuals.

Also,

WTF was 8 doing with that magnet!?!



7: We... awakened something.
9: Something terrible.

60 Second Movie Review - Zombieland

Zombieland


OMFG!

Finally, a good American zombie comedy.

Stick around after the credits.
I give it:


Columbus: I swear, you're like some type of cock-blocking robot developed in some secret fucking government lab.

60 Second Movie Review - Surrogates

Surrogates


Great movie, lot of fun, but the ending was a bit of a let down.



Andrew Stone: The public cannot be allowed to get the idea that using a Surrogate can be fatal.
Agent Greer: Especially if it's true.

60 Second Movie Review - Jennifer's Body

Jennifer's Body



My God!
Juno meets supernatural horror.
A great watch.



Needy Lesnicky: Jennifer's evil.

Chip Dove: I know.

Needy Lesnicky: No. I mean, she's actually evil, not high school evil.

60 Second Movie Review - The Final Destination in 3D

The Final Destination

Backlogged Review - Movie Seen 8-29-09


I want the money I paid to see Final Destination 3 back...
So I can go see this one again!
If there was ever a horror flick that 3D was made for it's the The Final Destination.
DO NOT, see this movie in 3D if you have a weak heart.
Lots of good gory fun to be had.



Lori: Janet we have to go!
Janet: No you guys are nuts! I was meant to see this movie!

60 Second Movie Review - Halloween II

Halloween II
Backlogged Review, Movie Seen 8-29-09


The mountain of a man Michael Myers returns to Haddonfield, Illinois for his baby sister.
Death and destruction ensue.
Kind of a spoiler, remember the original Halloween II? Yeah, the one that picked up right at the end of the first one. Rob Zombie saw it and said, "That whole movie's gonna be the first scene in my movie."
Just as hard and brutal as its predecessor, it's a must see is you liked the first one.



Laurie Strode: I killed him... I killed him...
Sheriff Lee Brackett: Who did you kill, sweetie? Who did you kill?
Laurie Strode: ...I killed him.

60 Second Movie Review - Inglourious Basterds

Inglourious Basterds
Backlogged Review - Movie Seen 8-23-09


I need Brad Pitt to teach me to talk I-talian.
Oh my God! After Death Proof I was a little apprihensive about Quinten Tarrantino's movies.
I will never doubt him again.
The Problem with most WWII pictures is that they have to color inside the lines.
QT looked at the line and said FUCK YOU!
Spoiler alert:
Don't get too attached to anyone.



Lt. Aldo Raine: Well I speak the most Italian, so I'll be your escort. Donowitz speaks the second most so he'll be your Italian cameraman, and Hirschberg third most, so he'll be Donny's assistant.
PFC Gerold Hirschberg: But I don't speak Italian.
Lt. Aldo Raine: Like I said, third best. Just keep your fuckin' mouth shut. In fact why don't you start practising, right now

60 Second Movie Review - District 9

District 9
Backlogged Review - Film Seen 8-15-09


Without a doubt the best SciFi movie I've seen in years.
God, the best this movie's Earth can hope for is that Christopher Johnson comes back to take over the planet. If I were him, after seeing the experiments being conducted by MNU, I'd collect my fellow Prawns then take a page from the Covenant playbook and glass the damn rock.

Also, how awesome was that magnetic attachment on the mech? Protects the user by attracting eight clips of ammo shot at you then repels them, shotgun style, back at the enemy.

Wikus Van De Merwe: [Picks up silver canister] This is an amazing find! You see it's got the marking there of... It's definitely Alien, but it, it isn't a weapon. However I still don't trust it. [laughs, then is suddenly sprayed with Alien liquid]

60 Second Movie Review - G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Backlogged Review - Movie Seen 8-8-09

Lots of fun, sets its own background, and stands verry well for itself.

My only problem was with Cobra Commander's mask, hopefully that will be fixed in the next movie.

Breaker: [about Snake Eyes] He doesn't talk.

Duke: Why?

Breaker: He doesn't say.

SORRY

I'm so sorry for the backlog of reviews I'm posting.

Lot of shake-ups for me IRL

I'll be back on track next weekend with reviews of "9" and "Whiteout".

15 Second Trailer Preview - Alice in Wonderland

The first trailer was attached to G-Force in 3-D, I'll post it if I can but it has to be seen in 3D to be appreciated.

60 Second Movie Review - G-Force (3-D)

G-Force (Real-D 3-D)





Lots of fun, lots of fur!
I honestly believe that Hollywood is trying in ernest to make me attracted to rodents. First Scratte now Agent Juarez, what's next?
Looks amazing in 3D, totally worth the extra $2.00.


I give it:


Hurley: Bucky, the mice'll agree to anything. (To mice) You guys are all idiots right?
Mice: Right!

7.5 Second Poster Review - A Nightmare On Elm Street (Remake)

Came across this on IMP
Glove? Check!
Hat? Check!
Sweater? Check!
Skinny guy to play Freddy? Check!
This is gonna be sweet!

7.5 Second Poster Review - Jonah Hex

They unvieled the poster for Jonah Hex with Josh Brolin at Comic-Con.
So far so good.
Wikipedia says June 18, 2010

60 Second Movie Review - Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince



Not bad, well executed, the deviations from the book don't seem to be bogging the films down yet.The Deathly Hallows will be the judge.
Issues with the movie include: Snape's lack of scenes, flashbacks and his training of Harry at Dumbledore's behest, and not including Dumbledore's funeral.
I give it:


Albus Dumbledore: You must be wondering why I brought you here.
Harry Potter: Actually sir, after all these years I just sort of go with it.

60 Second Movie Review - Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs



Caught it in Real-D 3-D, so worth the extra $2.25!
Very funny, on par with the others, Simon Pegg's turn as Buck is the source of the movie's funniest
moments.
One sticking point is Scratte, no female, prehistoric, rodent's fingers should be that sexy.
The movie gets a solid 4, but the 3D bumps it up to 4.5.

I give it:

Buck: Are you ready for adventure?

Crash, Eddie: Yes, sir!

Buck: For danger?

Crash, Eddie: Yes, sir!

Buck: For death?

Eddie: Uhh, can you repeat the question?

Total Drama Caramelldansen

So sue me, I like this show.

Happy 4th of July to me!

After 10+ Years of Spider Solitare I finally won a game in under 100 moves.

15 Second Trailer Review - The Last Airbender

The teaser for the Live Action Adaptation of Avatar: The Last Airbender was attached to Transformers: Rise of the Fallen.
Directed by M. Night Shamylan, the title will be "The Last Airbender".
The teaser was amazing, begining with Anng training and culminating in an all out invasion by the Fire Nation. YouTube videos don't do it justice. If you can, see it on the big screen.
Slated for a SUMMER 2010 release.

60 Second Movie Review - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen


Go see this movie!
Now!
If you even slightly enjoyed the first movie, you will love this one.

Another Mendez Must See.

I give it:

Agent Simmons: What you are about to see is top secret. Do not tell my mother.

60 Second Movie Review - The Taking of Palham 123

The Taking of Palham 123



Amazing movie, honestly wasn't expecting much, but this blew me away.

I Give It:


Ryder: Life is simple now. They just have to do what I say.

60 Second Movie Review - Brüno

Brüno



Two words, Bradolf Pittler.
Funny on an epic scale.
And NOT for the faint of heart, graphic nudity and sexual situations, it was the first showing, noon opening day with the auditorium half full and three people walked out.
Even funnier, one was a woman who came in with her husband/boyfriend, she left, he stayed.

I give it:

Brüno: How do you defend yourself against a man with a dildo?

60 Second Movie Review - Drag Me To Hell

Drag Me To Hell



THIS is how you make a supernatural horror movie.
I expected nothing less from Rami.

I give it:

60 Second Movie Review - UP

Up



I'm not gonna lie to you, the movie opens on a down note.
That out of the way, I can't say enough good things about this movie. Well writen, well acted, well directed, and all around well made.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, Pixar knows how to make good movies.

Oddly enough, there was no teaser for 2010's Pixar pic, Toy Story 3, at least not attached to the 2D version.

I give it:


Russell: Hey, look, a dog.
Doug: Hi there. My name is Doug.
Carl Fredricksen: Waah!
Doug: My master made me this collar so that I may talk. Squirrel!
[looks to the side, pauses for a while, then looks back at Carl]
Doug: Hi there.

60 Second Movie Review - Terminator: Salvation

Terminator: Salvation



No Fate But What We Make.
The fate of the Terminator series is looking good. One or two war against the machine movies and we can bring this franchise full circle.
A definite MENDEZ MUST SEE.

I give it:


John Connor: [from trailer] We've been fighting a long time. We are out numbered by machines. Working around the clock,without quit. Humans have a strength that cannot be measured. This is John Connor. If you are listening to this,you are the resistance.

60 Second Movie Review - Angels & Demons

Angels & Demons



Lot of fun, excellent mystery movie, with a surprising number of laughs.
You don't need to have seen The Da Vincci Code to enjoy this one.

I give it:


Robert Langdon: I need access to the Vatican Archives.
Richter: Access to the Archives is only by written decree by the Holy Father.
Robert Langdon: Fellas, you called me.